劉蘭芝lunch(lforshort)
焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)
劉母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)
太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)
強盜burglars(abandc)
prologue 序幕
(j作被打狀跑上臺,內砸出壹卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)
j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小聲)while my
wife is wusong.
譯：人人都說我怕老婆，實際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。
(指著上臺處的門大聲道)i’m not afraid of you!
譯：我才不怕妳呢！
(內砸出壹臉盆,j接住當成盾牌護著頭)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
譯：誰怕誰啊！在鄰裏中，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺得她該對我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中啊！
(內又砸出壹卷紙筒,擊中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)
譯：我的天！誰來救救我啊？
act1 第壹幕
(序幕結束時,jm作竊聽狀)
jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
(對門內)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(紮著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so
lazy……
l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all
daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken
and……
jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!
l(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(開始解圍裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)
act2
(lm坐在臺上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)
l:mum, i’m back!
lm:you are back?why?what happened?
l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on
marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen
to me. look at yourself……
l:but,mum……
lm:never interrupt me!
l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and
i’ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter
haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go
and tell him.(下)
l(驚愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的鍋
鏟掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)
act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(邊走邊道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?
(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)here they are!(聞壹下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!
(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍
裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now
she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.
jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?
j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!
jm(沈吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice
girl,go and take her back!
j(立正敬禮):yes madam!
act4
(j開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜)
a:hey you!stop and listen to us!
the road is built by me!(擡腳重重地踩在壹塊大石頭上)
b:and i planted one tree!(亦擡腳踩在同壹塊石頭上)
c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了a的腳)
ab&c:give us all your money!
j(搜遍了每壹個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):is 1mao enough?
(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在壹邊商量)
a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!
c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go and
rob the wedding!
a&b:good idea!
j(驚訝):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!
ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!
j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go
with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b:have you got any experience?
j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脫下鞋子從裏面摸出壹張支票，上書＄1，000，000)
act5
(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．ms意氣風發用紅綢牽著新娘上，j蓋著紅蓋頭極不情願地被拉上臺)
(j和三強盜躍至臺中)
abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!
a:the road is built by me!
b:and i planted one tree.
c:if you want to go by this street---
j:give us all your money!
(l聽到j的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)
l(驚喜萬分):johnny!(不顧壹切地飛奔到j的身邊並躲到了的身後)
(ms大怒，揮拳向j打來．j矮身壹躲，ms打中了j身後的l，l暈倒)
j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向ms沖去）
(j與ms混戰，jm上，以拐杖擊暈ms)
(j將ms胸前的新郎標誌扯下戴在自己胸前)
j(扶起l，關切地問):honey, how are you?
l(哭狀):i hurt a lot!
j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)